...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
