Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
