kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
