Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
