I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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