Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
