I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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