Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
