he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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