Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
