I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
