the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
