Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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