We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
