I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
