she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
