I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
