I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
