I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
