im having a threesome with these popsicles
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
