I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
