Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
