Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
