Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
