What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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