I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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