They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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