is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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