the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
