Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
