I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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