I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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