Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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