I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.