The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???