Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
