im drinking this country out of the recession.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental