between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
