I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
