i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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