he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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