Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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