I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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