My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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