New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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