i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
