It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
