at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
