So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
