After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
