you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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