Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
