this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
