I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
