Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is Oprah even human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
