i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
