it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
