lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
