I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
