i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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