They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.