i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?