I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.