i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize