So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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