all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
