The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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