I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
