you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
