Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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