Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
