my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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