don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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