You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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