Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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