So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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