Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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