I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
