He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just found puke in my bra..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
