he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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